I've been a pretty happy capsuleer. I mean with aging an all. Sure I'm a fairly tighter wound pilot than most. Who wouldn't be if they all had my God given sense to detect the phony, bullshit ridden arrogance of social appeal for the sake of being "in" or "hip". It's the demise of manhood after all. The whole metro-sexual crap that plagues our younger male population.
"Woo hoo honey. Where's my wifey? I'm home. Jenny finished my mani-pedi early. Let's do curry for din din".
I could literally rip the target signature acquiring antennae from my drones when I hear that dribble drop from the mouths of males. But I digress. As much as I pain at the thoughts of where society is heading I am referring to physical pain. Although that kind of spew-age makes me ache.
It was the start of the weekend. Not exactly a restful day for those of us who choose to live life in the lower security regions of space. There's always the ever present target. err, I mean opportunity for some pulse quickening excitement for the enjoyment of sparing or opportunity for quick isk to be had. But it was a fairly normal day to say the least.
Jerome and I had been in the deeper sections inside the hull of Rusty, my newly commissioned Hurricane class battle cruiser, readying her micro warp drive injection ports for her maiden voyage. Jerome, by the way, is my top of the line rocket engine specialist. When it comes to maximizing the output of thrusters and the smooth delivery of full on power at a seconds notice without fail, there is no one better.
Jerome had just finished installing the final, newly over-bored injection nozzle. A little techno-tip he learned from his days back at the academy.
I had just made my way back to the cockpit and climbed in to my captains chair to begin running pre flight tests. Ahh... the feel of a well worn leather saddle. This old war seat has served me well. It was comfortable yet it still bares a lot of life yet to be had. I suppose it's akin to what the people on Earth so many many years ago used to say about their comfortable Levis'.
And that's when it hit.
"Holy shit! What the fuck is that? Jerome!" I yelled on comms.
"Yes sir Harri" he replied
"J, I think I may need some help up here. Something is wrong."
Jerome came flying down the center walkway of the ship in to the cockpit. I was slumped in my captains chair agonizing in pain. The last thing I remember before awakening in the Emergency Care Unit at the Khanid Navy Assembly Plant in Baratar was a fuzzy image of my long time engine specialist closing the hatch to a shuttle EVAC port for transport to the neighboring system for medical help.
"I hate all these bright fucking lights", I thought to myself.
"Hey Doc. What the hell is going on? And where the fuck is my battle cruiser? If someone ganked me and stole her when I was down and out I will raise the universe to find the scum and kill all of them."
"Relax" said doc. "Your battle cruiser is fine. But it's you I'm a little worried about there Harri."
"Don't dick with me doc. I don't have the time nor inclination to sit here in this bed staring at white walls and blank ceilings. Why don't you metro types get some color in here? And how the hell did I get here and for what? Ugh, never mind. How about I add some color to these walls by slapping you until you bleed a little? Huh doc? How'd you like that you little fuc..." out went the lights.
Apparently the doctor didn't take to kind to one of my frequent ranting outbursts and pushed some sedative in to me. After an anger diminishing snooze I awoke to find out that my hard living life style was beginning to catch up with me. My left uretur was partially obstructed by a calcium stone. The little bastard had two prongs on it. Devil horns, I suppose you could call them. What else should be expected from an old ornery prick like me?
"I suppose this is where you tell me to lay off eating baby Minmatar hearts, aye dic? (snickering) I mean doc."
"Far be it from me to tell you what you should or shouldn't do Harri. But I do advise you to exercise a little bit more conservatism in your dietary habits. Have you thought about including more wheat and long- limb roes in your food intake?"
"Tell you what doc. When you partake in a little less of your cucumber and donkey cum facials I'll partake a little less of baby Minmatar hearts. I'll be healthier, according to your charts and tests, and donkeys will be less scared."
I don't think doc liked that answer. Out went the lights again...
~Harri out
0 comments:
Post a Comment